Booger Songs

I feel so blessed. Last night I drove to the dollar store with my 9 yr old and 5 yr old. All of us in our jammies and me grossing them out by singing made-up songs about boogers. Then my 9 yr old started singing some old songs from musicals I don’t think I’ve seen, but she knows them by heart. Silliness was abundant. Smiles all around. It was a rare occasion for me. Most of the last 5 years I’ve been too busy with our family run business. If one of our kids told me at bed-time that they needed poster-board for a report due the next day, I would have been upset, grumpy, and disagreeable or worse. More likely, I wouldn’t have even been around. Too busy to give them the time and attention they desperately wanted from their dad.

I’m not trying to paint a pity-party picture, just a reference so you know I can relate to all of us parents trying to do too much of the wrong things. Also, just like you, I’m not as bad as I tell myself. My kids love me to pieces, and even with all the mistakes, I know that I’m a good dad.

Even being a good dad, it seemed that my kids would rarely do what I asked of them until I raised my voice or pestered them all along the path of dirty clothes and crayons on the floor. Many times I asked myself why they were so good at blatantly ignoring me. Don’t I have authority to tell them what to do? Aren’t I teaching them what is good for them?

So why am I telling you about our trip to the dollar store in jammies with booger songs?

The last few years, Shelly and I have been to scores of business trainings, read truckloads of business and personal development books, and participated in hours and hours of business coaching and consulting. One thing that we learned from Brenden Buchard is a secret to drawing in customers. The formula he gives is that you give, give give, then you ask. You give your customer good information that they can use, teach them about your product and how it will help them, and be genuinely interested in helping them first, then you ask them if they are interested in buying a product or service. Make it about helping them and not how you can use them.

How many of you have been to a tradeshow where there were certain booths you avoided like your kids’ stinky stocks? Last year we hosted a booth at the Pinners Conference in Sandy, UT and 3-4 booths down from us was a company that had their salesforce pouncing on people. They treated the attendees more like mice to catch than a person to build a relationship with. We watched as people would very visibly steer clear of this booth like opposing magnets. Even though I’d been there for two days and had already rejected the offer from every salesperson there, I still walked down a different aisle to stay away from the uncomfortable presence they held.

So, are we treating our kids the same way?...I realized that’s what I was doing with my kids. All I ever did in their minds was ask them to clean up after themselves, ask them to eat their dinner (that they didn’t like because I snuck healthy things into it), ask them to go to sleep, NOW! In fact, it went beyond asking, and it was really just demanding. What was I giving them? Was I demanding that they obey because I wanted them to learn the lessons of life, or because I thought I was in charge and they should obey without question?

Yes, certainly there are times when we need to take charge because they don’t understand lasting consequences, but even in those times, I believe we can lead them to safety in love, not in tyrannical dominion.

I believe we can act in love by giving them time, giving them real loving attention, giving them part of your sillier side and have a little fun so they know that life isn’t all about taxes and death. If we do this, in love more consistently, I have been greatly amazed to see them respond back by respecting me more, listening better, and overall less fighting all around.

So, maybe you can make up your own song about boogers, read them a story that they choose, climb a tree with them, chase them and tickle them “just a little bit longer, pppplllleeeeease?” Give them what their soul desires from a loving and interested parent. Then when you tuck them in at night, and they hug you much too tight, you won’t mind if they hold on a little bit longer.

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Are you a Dream Killer?

I am the first to admit that I used to be a dream killer.  In my defense, I thought I was protecting my kids from disappointment.  But I have since repented and changed my ways.  And thank goodness, or I would never have had this touching and insightful experience with my cute daughter. My oldest daughter is the spitting image of me...not just on the outside, but on the inside too.  We both struggled learning to read, sucked our thumbs until an embarrassing age, are very sensitive to the world around us, and at times struggle to keep our confidence up.  One day we were sitting at the kitchen table when she looked up at me and say “Mom, I want to have a really big house.”  My first internal thought was, “ya, me too, but not in this lifetime.”  But luckily I listened to a little voice inside me that said “SHHHH!  Ask her why.”  She told me that she really wanted to have a home with an art studio in the basement and a riding stable in the yard.  I like those things too, so I thought it sounded fun, but what she said next broke me down to tears.

“Mom, I just really want there to be a place where kids like me can go and be loved and important.  Where they can do the things they enjoy and and feel like they are good enough.”  You see, my daughter is very creative and gets distracted easily, so she often doesn't get her school work done very quickly.  She is a very smart girl, but learns very visually, which she doesn’t get a lot of a school.  When she started kindergarten she was well above average.  But by the end of the year, she was almost failing and the kids had started calling her “slow” and “stupid” because she was often the last one to get her work done.  Her confidence plummeted and she couldn’t see herself as smart or talented.  It broke my heart.  Since then our family has worked really hard to find her strengths, work on her weaknesses, help her see her worth and show her the love she deserves.  Now 4 years later, she is wanting to provide that for other kids who need it just like she did.  I am amazed at how kindhearted and sensitive she is to other’s needs.  But I wouldn’t have had that insight if I had not stopped for a moment, let her dream, and asked more questions.

Do we take time daily to show our kids the love they really need?  Are we a safe place for them to come with problems and concerns, heartaches, mistakes, and dreams?  I know growing up I was always scared to share my inner feelings with others, especially those who loved me the most.  I am not exactly sure why that is, but I have prayed that I could be open with my kids and be that place they turn for strength, comfort, and a soft place to land when they fall.  That one moment with my daughter taught me a lot.  It taught me to value her ideas instead of shutting her down.  It taught me that I need to let her dream, even if is doesn’t seem possible.  I learned that there is so much down deep in her heart that she would share if I only took the time to listen and ask.  I also learned that she is deeper and more aware of the world around her than I ever realized.  So my challenge to you (and myself) is:

1. Take more time to listen
2. Ask more questions
3. Act in Love!

Shelly Coray is an inspiring speaker, trainer, coach, and mom. She has helped hundreds of youth and adults gain greater control over their thoughts and actions and achieve higher levels of success through her workshops, speeches and training programs. Find out more about her HERE.

Be Familiar with All

Tip Tuesday comes from the Book of Mormon in Jacob 2:17

“Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all…”

Can you take a moment out of thinking about all the things that you need to do, and ponder what someone else near you is in need of? Do you know your neighbors, coworkers, kid’s friends and parents? Do you avoid eye-contact in public, or are you willing to share your love and light through a simple smile?

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Happiness is not found in getting everything done that needs to be done so we can say “Woo Hoo! I’m done!” As we go through life, there are many things clamoring for our attention. It is the relationships that we build, cultivate, and cherish that make life so sweet and fulfilling.

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On Being Content

Too bad we aren't all tigers.

Where's the Kid in You?

I recently watched an action packed Bruce Willis flick you don’t want to miss: Disney’s “The Kid.” In this show, the character played by Willis is a high-powered perfectionist that has fixed everything in his life to go his way. Through hard-work, education, and removing all the bad things about himself, and he was able to reach this high level of success – or so he thinks. Willis then starts to have some interesting experiences that teach him a lesson about what is important and what is not.

Some may say that it’s funny how we get things messed up in our head and then cause an emotional or spiritual train-wreck in our life. I’m not laughing at this kind of tragedy. We all know the right things to do, we all know what we should be doing, we all know what is expected of us to have success. Yet, whether we are doing what we know or not, many of us are still unhappy and still trying to perfect the imperfectable. What’s wrong?

In the movie (spoilerish), there is a moment when the main characters realize where they went wrong was trying to eliminate and forget painful parts of their life. To achieve this impressive level of success in this life, he missed out on the richness that leads to true joy and happiness.

We don’t live happily by avoiding pain. We are happy by courageously pushing through the darkness of anguish, and feeling the light of a joyous sunshine when the clouds break. So much of addiction, depression, and anger are a form of running away from the things that hurt in this short life-time.

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So the next time you find yourself falling in step with demons you though you had anchored to a dungeon wall or buried deep in the earth, ask yourself this question: “What emotion am I running away from?” Do you have emotional pain undealt with? Are you hiding something embarrassing from others that really do love and care about you? Is something bothering you and you’ve stuffed it inside like a crowded smelly hamper?

When you can work through the tough stuff in life in an emotionally healthy way, it’s a relief; a little like finally clearing up congestion, and taking a deep clear breath of fresh air. You can breathe easier, think more clearly, and love more completely. We can be examples of courage in the face of life’s difficulties and allow our kids the same privilege of learning courage on training grounds of a loving home.

Keep Climbing!